Jokes : One Liners

Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with!
THINK! Maybe we can dodge this work.
This is a good time to punt work.
This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.
This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.
This place looks like the wizard of oz on mesciline.
This sentence no verb.
This skeleton goes into a bar, and asks for a beer and a mop...
This won't hurt, I promise.

Next : This year, World Standards Day was October 14. In the US, the day was marked on October 11. -Annals of Improbable Research, Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do., Those who can't write, write help files., Those who can't write, write manuals., Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't., Those who think it's tough to make a living as a writer of fiction have obviously never cheated on their income tax., Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood., Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana., Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!, Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Previous : There's no future in time travel., These pills can't be habit forming; I've been taking them for years., They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, Body, how'd you like to go to the nine o'clock class in vigorous toning? Clear as a bell my body said, listen bitch... do it and you die., They reckon it was the cigarettes that killed him, but he's been smoking for 68 years I don't see why it would kill him now!, They say an elephant never forgets, but what's he got to remember?, They say if you build a better mouse trap, the world will beat down your door. But usually, it's just one neighbor, and he'll probably quit once you stop throwing dead mice in his yard. - Dave James, They say you shouldn't say anything about the dead unless it's good. He's dead. Good., They told me I was gullible...and I believed them!, Things are getting so bad that 60 minutes is investigating 20/20., Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
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