Sensitive Burglar

Robert William Service

Selecting in the dining-room
          The silver of his choice,
The burglar heard from chamber gloom
          A female voice.
As cold and bitter as a toad,
          She spat a nasty name,
So even as his swag he stowed
          He blushed for shame.

‘You dirty dog!’ he heard her say,
          ‘I sniff your whisky stench.
I bet you’ve gambled half your pay,
          Or blown it on a wench.
Begone from here, you rakehell boor!
          You shame the human race.
What wife would pillow-share with your
          Disgusting face!’

A tear the tender burglar shed,
          Then indignation rose,
And swiftly striding to her bed
          He said: ‘I’m none of those.
I am a connoisseur in crime
          And felonies I plan . . .
But otherwise, believe me I’m
          A GENTLEMAN.’

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